Living in and out of reality as I chase my dreams sky high.

Monday, 30 November 2015

~F I R S T L O V E~

We are dried up just like these flowers, and I think it's only now that I was able to understand that.
That's the thing about your first love. No matter how childish and insignificant, it was your first love and you cannot forget your first love. Their significance in your daily life might fade, but they don't ever completely disappear. I have so many questions I am yet to ask you but I think about it and I think about how 13 years have passed since we first met, and 8 since I last saw you. Everything is so trivial now isn't it? I'm miles apart from you, but I still can't forget you. You've given me too many fond memories to erase you completely but with those memories you also gave me a lot of pain. I always thought that some day no matter how far we would be, eventually we would find out way back together. After all, I believed in true love, and I believed for most of my life that you were my true love. I think the problem was that I wasn't yours, and maybe I was just an affectionate phase, a few lingering moments of lust but, for the most part, nothing. You probably forgot me, and I know I did you, but...there is always that but. Just when I thought you had become nothing to me, you showed up again. You've left so many footprints in my life that no matter how far I run, I cannot erase your steps but nor will I retract them. I fell in love with the boy that was you, but now you've become a man that I don't know, and now you mean nothing to me but that boy that was you was my first love, and maybe my only one, and I don't think I'll ever stop loving him, and maybe that's the curse we all live with. We never forget our first love, but I think the ability to love again is our greatest ability, and the capability of having so much love is treasurable. I'll always love you, but our pieces don't fit anymore, maybe they never did, and I think I only now accepted it.

Friday, 20 November 2015

My Crime

In India my crime was that I was born a Muslim.
In Singapore my crime was that I was Indian.
And in America my crime is all the above. 
You want me to apologize for crimes I did not commit, 
And you want me to apologize for the person I'm not. 
If I weren't any of the above would you still make me apologize?

Friday, 13 November 2015

Failure: You're looking at her.

Turning 20 was catastrophic in the long run. It was the early mid life crisis I never anticipated. I think the greatest thing I did and or could do in life was taken away from me instantly and that was the hardest thing to comprehend. I am a dreamer and that is the only thing I have to my name, but I woke up one morning where dreams were just black and fantasies extinct. I had no more goals and no more fight. Have you ever woken up not wanting to wake up? They called it depression, but I knew it was much more than that. I was broken because my ability to dream was taken away from me. I thought I couldn't continue, not with shattered dreams and a blank paper of no more goals. Life just couldn't go on. But I think that's the thing about life, it spring things on you, things you wouldn't have anticipated but then if you wait long enough light starts to shine from the most unexpected of places. I've learnt not to want end goals but to want small goals. I am happier today than I was yesterday, and hopefully, I will be happier tomorrow than today. From here on it's going to be an uphill climb hopefully, and that is all one can and should expect from life. I didn't believe in destiny nor these poems about fate. But I feel now that it may or may not be written; the universe has a funny way of conspiring against you for your betterment in the long run. Believe it or not, what you are meant to get you will, and if you don't then you have to keep fighting for it because fate messes up sometimes and you have to rewrite the universe and rearrange all its stars. But even then if you end up failing then know that you were only a failure when you stopped trying or what you were seeking wasn't worth it, because if you really wanted something then you would die trying. I believe in that, and maybe one day I will be the greatest failure and people from all around the world will know my name. In the end, I might not have achieved anything substantial in their eyes, but I would be the one with the last laugh because while the world gave up hope, I continued, and maybe that will be my greatest achievement. So here is to a new day, a new life, a new page, and a new goal with some old goals. Here is to never giving up, and always trying, after all, I am yet to be the greatest failure in life.

Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Growing up a girl: bleed free!

Growing up a girl the worst thing that could happen to you is getting your period without you knowing it. Having a period stain is the worst social embarrassment a girl or a woman can face. But why? Isn't getting your period just a regular part of a woman's menstrual cycle. For crying out loud without releasing an egg every month, we wouldn't get pregnant and give birth! It is such a normal thing, but this patriarchal society has made it something to feel ashamed off. We are expected to be null, yet sanitation for our basic necessity is shown as a luxury. How is something expected of us taxed as a luxury, but men's facial hair removal is seen as a necessity? When it comes to women we are expected to be presented a certain way in society yet our basic necessities luxuriate. When women protest for pads and tampons to be tax-free we have men telling us we are gross and that we don't see them shitting everywhere...honestly how on earth can someone even say that. Periods are not something we can control for crying out loud. We don't predict our period flow, we can't go to the toilet and release blood...ITS NOT THE SAME AS PEEING OR TAKING A SHIT!

 Honestly, these men need to get an attitude check. Instead of applauding women for the courage of standing up to the govt. in their stained clothes something that is associated so negatively they label women as dirty or unclean. It is not easy to walk around in a stained clothing, not only is it defying society, but also the struggle of being wet in your vagina with blood causes rashes and all sorts of infections. Also, most women can't even get out of bed on their periods so I applaud these women who protested against the govt. for tax-exempt tampons! Because if you feel dirty by our periods and expect us not to have stained clothes then why don't you stop taxing our necessities otherwise we will bleed free! 
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